I hear MAP

I need psychiatric help.

I keep hearing things... that everybody else doesn't. Why? Why me?

In the office:

Manager A: Mandy, what time the map here?

Mandy: *silent* (I can't answer because I don't understand. I dare not ask because it may be something simple that I should know) Map... ??? Here/Hear??? Errr....

Manager A: (looking at me like he's trying to say I'm low B which means retarded, or something...)

Then he took my 30 cm ruler and acted like he's vacuuming the floor, trying to tell me by his action while saying "wuuu..." the vacuum sound, expressing his concern that what time will the maid be here.

He wanted to say 'MAID' ಠ_ಠ and he acted like I no read book (illiterate), huh?!!

I swore, I will correct him the next time he dare to MAP me, or WUUU... me !!!! I'm not prepared this time, just let me be the no read book MAP!

He added before he left "Is alright, I panic when my boss spit chu me for the first taing" he tapped my shoulder and gave me a Shah Rukh Khan smile =) He may be handsome.. ahem, ahahaha, hey! But he said MAP!!

*&^%$#@!! I wanted to kill someone!! If he wasn't the manager, I would have told him off! The full time receptionist stood beside me without reaction / expression like she just overheard a normal conversation.

Or am I the only one hearing things?

Shhhhh... shut tttsup!

I bet we all have met people who can't speak properly or were they trying to 'be' somebody. This blog is specially dedicated to people who CAN speak properly but have choosen not to.

I find one of my colleagues Mary, which seriously ANNOYS me VERY MUCH because of the way she speaks. Let me try to put it in words:

Cantonese: Chhhhor hai tttsOu lah (sit right here)

Hockkien: Chhaaap Cheeeet Lau (17th floor)

Mandarin: Wo Gang Chhhhhai Chhhhheeeeeee (I went to... just now)

Every word is full of CHHHHHHH and it's making me go mad everytime she speaks to me! Why? She has no braces on her teeth, she can pronounces 'S' (so i'm sure her tongue is long enough) and it only happens when she speaks Chinese dialects! WHY??!!

Even her English is our local Manglish. When I first met her I thought she must be like 'totally' ENGLISH educated born in the US with 0% exposure to other races other than Caucasian.

One day I heard her saying "no, no, i ming, jilo jilo fai fai" (0055) and what the heck??!!!!

She claims to have completed her SPM Bahasa Cina but she pretends that she can't read chinese! It breaks our heart to see people who masters Chinese and yet they are shy to admit it. Candy and myself are working hard to learn Chinese by ourselves because we are from Sekolah Kebangsaan instead of what people like to say "English Educated" and believe it or not, in Chinese he/she/3rd party have different ways of writing, 他 for the masculine gender and 她 for the feminine. The Chinese language is indeed amazing and I bet I'm gonna spend the rest of my life learning it but unable to master it.

And what makes those people trying to pretend not knowing how to read Chinese?! Does that help to improve their English?

Ops sodi, chhhhhaaap chhhhhheeet lau.... egg egg fai jilo chlee!