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Showing posts with label Tickles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tickles. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Don't you EVER snore again!
I came across a very interesting article not long ago from Utusan Malaysia where a student killed his room mate because he can no longer tolerate him snore. Hahaha.. It was supposed to be a sad story but maybe I'm not sympathatic enough so I think it's really funny! LOL!
Candy listen here, don't you EVER snore again or I will kill you, wuahahahaha!
Monday, March 15, 2010
A Bird?
There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl says, 'What's under there?' The man answers, 'A bird.'
The girl goes away and the man falls asleep.
When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, 'What happened?'
The man answers, 'I don't know.
I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl.'
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about. So they ask her if she did anything to the man.
She answers, ' I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird. After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs!'
The little girl says, 'What's under there?' The man answers, 'A bird.'
The girl goes away and the man falls asleep.
When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, 'What happened?'
The man answers, 'I don't know.
I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl.'
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about. So they ask her if she did anything to the man.
She answers, ' I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird. After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs!'
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Politics
A little boy asks his dad, "What is Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Prisoner in the prison
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY?
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Girls Night Out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monkey Organization
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Why it's better to be a woman?
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
5. Taxis stop for us.
6. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
7. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
8. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
9. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
10. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
11. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
12. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
13. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
14. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
15. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
16. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
17. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
18. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
19. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
20. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
21. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
22. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
23. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
24. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Glass
A Mexican, an Arabian and a British are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arabian, obviously impressed by this, drinks no-alcohol beer (coz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The British, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out his 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arabian. Catching his glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, he says, 'In Britain we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arabian, obviously impressed by this, drinks no-alcohol beer (coz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The British, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out his 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arabian. Catching his glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, he says, 'In Britain we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
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